thinking

Have you ever just sat down and just let your mind wander? searching the corners of your most inner thoughts and dwelling on them for a while? People come to mind that you haven't thought about in a while and you wonder why that is. Then the same sadness and pain rises back up to the surface like a scar getting cut again. Friendships have formed over the years and you don't know where you'd be without them and then deeper back in the archives you remember old friends who were your lifeline that you haven't even spoken to in maybe 5 or more years yet you still like their occasional facebook post. Childhood friends now have children or spouses and are growing up faster than it seems you are as you sit still in college where the only thing growing is your college debt and your desire to not be alone anymore. The only thing I can count on in the end is me and frankly that's what frightens me the most. If we can search this world for friends and try our hardest to hold on to them for as long as we can then why do we become so sad when they drift away? it's not like this isn't a new concept for us. Our kindergarten best friends are off somewhere else in the world and we don't even think twice. Our middle school best friends may even go to the same university and you may say hi if you see them but nothing more than the socially acceptable greeting for two old acquaintances. Our high school best friends are jealous of our new college friends and vice versa. Or maybe they just stopped trying to talk to you all together. Like as soon as you get your diploma that's your ticket to new friends because your old ones are setting you free and don't want anything to do with you anymore. So here you are. Alone in a world that doesn't quite give a damn if you succeed or fail and you're alone. With no one to back you up and be your right hand man. All you have are your thoughts and memories. Yet it seems like everyone else but you can have it all. But no. You're not allowed to.